Things we have learned from hiking

[Lostsheep]

I stumbled across these and thought I'd share...just a few helpful hints we have all learned from our times backpacking

Waterproof clothing isn't.

You can get even with the bear who raided your food by finding his favorite stump, kicking it apart and eating all the ants. That'll teach him.

You will never get lost if you remember that moss only grows on the north side of your compass.

A two-man pup tent is not made for two men. It is made for a pup, and must be assembled by two men.

In a mummy bag the urgency of ones need to urinate is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn. It is also inversely proportional to the temperature and the degree to which the mummy bag is completely zipped up.

Tent stakes come only in the quantity "N-1" where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake down a tent.

The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed.

All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are male, tree branches will also grow at groin height.

You will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss Army knife as soon as you open the box.

When camping in late fall or winter, your underwear will stay at approximately 35.702 degrees Kelvin no matter how long you keep it in your sleeping bag with you.

The sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than normal when you're trying to set up camp.

[Nalgene Ninja]

I'm stealing #3 for a sig on another board. Good stuff. 

[Joshua Szulecki]

Ditto on the toothpick one.

I'll add:

Those leaves have nothing under them, and you know it, so don't step there.

Once you see a snake, everything looks like a snake. The converse of this is that you never think there are snakes until you see one.

Before releasing any bodily fluids onto a tree, note if your feet are touching the base of the tree anywhere near the "flow" zone.

Duck. Tripped? Should have been watching your feet, too.

Don't lean on dead trees.

There are no shortcuts. There is only the long, hard way, and the short, really hard way.

[Rob]

You nailed it Lostsheep! LOL Karma to you!  I'll add one too....The thing you lost is still where you put it so you wouldn't forget where it was.  Happy Trails

[lawnmowwer]

I like these .

 you can tell a scout (child in general ). It is going to be below freezing tonight stay dry till you are blue in the face, but just after dark they will always tell you everything they have on the trip is dripping wet.

  If you tell a scout this is hot or sharp be careful he will always get burned or cut.

  That extra little pin will alway be around till right before the one it is to replace brakes.

  That perfect campsite only you know about will always be taken if you are going with someonelse.

  If you make fun of the person that walked into that tree branch you will be the one that falls of that log you just said was easy to cross because you found a tree branch just right for you, and someone will have a camera to get the picture.
  

[Lostsheep]

How's about a few more:

   A forest ranger will laugh at you if you tell him a deer came into your camp and ate your pickles.

   Bear bells are not to be worn by bears. They are too hard to put on.

   Always carry a deck of cards when hiking in unfamiliar territory. If you find yourself lost and alone, simply sit down, start playing   a game of solitaire and wait for someone to put the red nine on the black ten. Happens every time.

   When finding a hiking buddy, look for someone fat and slow. This way if you encounter a hungry bear, you don't have to worry about outrunning the bear, just outrunning your buddy.

   Use a firestarter to help get a campfire going. Gasoline is TOO effective. Also, eyelashes help keep rain out of your eyes.

   Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of maximum pressure.

   The distance to a campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.

   The area of level ground tends to vanish as the need to make camp becomes finite.

   The width of backpack straps decreases with the distance hiked. To compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.

   Average temperature increases with the amount of clothing brought.

   Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are packed, will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the campsite.

   Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet.

   Your side of the tent is the side that leaks.

   All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried.

[Lesley]

Here are mine....

If it doesn't "seem right" don't let your buddy convince you otherwise.

Don't let your spouse pick the way out.

Squirrels sound like wild boar in the middle of the night.  If you dare investigate it will magically be a skunk. This increases by the number of dogs brought with you.

The rum you find hidden in the rocks is not drinkable, even after the fuel runs out.

If you want to go swimming you will forget a suit, before your clothes are dry it will begin to rain.

There is an invisible variety of Poison Ivy. Accept it.

If you take an extra map you won't need it. If you only have one map you will run into three different groups who are all lost.

If you see an unusual number of official government types about you landed in the middle of a drug bust, or Eric Robert Rudolf has just been spotted.

[Suz]

no fair, some of those were mine!! 

You can't tell a rock is hot looking at it....

If you are all alone in the wilderness, newcomers will pitch camp within eyesight or earshot of your camp.

When you have been in the woods for days, you can smell "fresh" people on the wind, all their toiletries, way before you see them.

[Rob]

The smoke from a campfire is ALWAYS blowing in YOUR direction!

The call of nature ALWAYS comes in the wee hours of the morn and when the weather is most inclimate.

The toe with the blister on it is the one that ALWAYS finds the roots and stumps.

The rock that your foot is on when crossing the creek is ALWAYS the one with the slippery stuff on it.

It is ALWAYS your fault that your party got lost.

You are ALWAYS the one that left something of importance behind.

It is ALWAYS your turn to drive on the trip home.

When it comes time to unpack your gear when you get home, it seems like you came back with more stuff than you left with.

You are ALWAYS the one, in spite of all YOUR past wrong doings, that gets to plan the next trip! But you don't care cause it's just another oppourtunity to show off your skills.

Best of all .... It's ALWAYS Happy Trails for YOU!!!!